I went to eat Chinese food at a place in Houston that is normally pretty good. It seems they had a new item on the menu… Stuffed Crab. Awesome. I love stuffed crab, so I ordered it. It turns out that Chinese stuffed crab (at least at this restaurant) is nothing more than ground beef served in a crab shell. GROUND BEEF! Apparently they were unclear about what people are expecting when they order stuffed crab.
I asked why the stuffed crab contained no actual crab. I received a puzzled look that seemed to say: “You got exactly what you ordered.” I when on to explain that what I ordered was stuffed crab; what I received was some ground beef served in crab shells and that there is a difference between the two.They still didn’t understand. The waiter continued to point at my plate while bobbing his head saying “stuffed crab.”
I went on to explain that by his logic, they could have served me crab shells stuffed with jelly beans, whipped cream or dog shit and that would still technically be stuffed crab. They did take it back and bring me something else, but I find it curious that my waiters English seemed to improve considerably when he was dealing with patrons that were not complaining.
So, I thought that before I went I would point out that the “fortune cookies” did not actually contain fortunes. What I received in my cookie was a platitude: “The silent man easily maintains his dignity.” A fortune is a prediction of something that has yet to happen, like “You will meet a tall dark stranger”. That’s the kind of thing I’m looking for in a cookie, not advise or cliches. But I didn’t actually mention it since I thought that that would be going out of my way to be an asshole. So, then I thought about it… and did it anyway.